When You Become Obsessed With Your Side Hustle
Do new projects tend to consume you?
Is your side hustle all you can think about, even when you should be focused on other things?
This tendency to pour just a little bit too much of ourselves into a new project can contribute to a couple of unhealthy patterns:
😕 Overwhelm
😕 Perfectionism
Infatuation with our side hustles can turn dark quick if we let it. The key is to set boundaries.
Boundaries…
😎 Allow you to still feel infatuated without having you make poor judgement calls
😎 Help you feel proud for moving towards your goals
We talk boundary setting in my latest episode of Empathy Rising
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Full Show Notes (Transcript)…
Hey, risers. Welcome to Empathy Rising. I know this is a little bit of an interesting title of an episode for an audience of therapists, but to be humorous here, I'm not really referring to the clinical definition of obsession. I feel like I need to put that out there, but I have seen this come up with some of my students and I do see that it can be a little bit of something that can get in the way of functioning a little bit.
So I'm by no means trying to be clinical here, but I do see this come up and I do think it's a pattern, and I do think it's a pattern that can be a little bit, not debilitating, but can interfere when you build your side hustle. So I, again, this is like a pattern for me. I was inspired by something that I said at the end of last episode where I was talking about how the instant gratification of building a side hustle, building your business fast, can feel like a little bit of a high.
And that got me thinking, when have I seen this come up? With myself, of course, but with other students of this idea of chasing a high. And I do think that there is a dopamine effect and a reward center of the brain that is absolutely activated when we start our side hustles. And that's what I really wanna talk about today.
Coming out of burnout and feeling a little bit scarred from last year, it's really important to me to teach you guys how to build this side hustle without high levels of stress. And it's a little embarrassing for me, and that's why I feel like I've had vulnerability hangovers from the last several episodes because I'm sharing these things.
But this still happened to me, even though I'm the quote unquote expert, which feels. Shitty and embarrassing and all kinds of stuff, but I know there's lessons here and so this is why I'm spending a few weeks, a few episodes unpacking all of this. I hope it's valuable for you to hear the real time sharing of this, not necessarily six months ago, and I look back and be like, oh yeah, back in December I was burnt out.
Ha ha. No. Like literally, this was not even a month ago, and I'm still. Feeling, like I said, scarred and, and tender around some things, and I think, I think it's important to share this. There is a shadow side of entrepreneurship. There is a a shadow side of going after goals, and while I would say the shadow is like 10% of it, I really am all for entrepreneurship.
I'm all for multiple sources of income and revenue streams and all of the stability and freedom that I talk about. I, I believe that in my bones. But there's some stuff, there's some stuff that comes up with it. There's this notion of scars versus wounds and all of these big marketing gurus, they say, share your scars, but don't share your wounds.
And by that they mean a scar that's already healed over that isn't still like bleeding or gushing or whatever like a wound would be. And I see some merit to that, but I still do feel a bit wounded and I am still sharing because I think a lot of times when they're talking about share your scars, they're worried about sales, they're worried about that.
It's gonna hurt their conversion rates that, that they are not invincible. Sharing the scar and saying, oh yeah, this happened to me, but here's how I overcame it, and now I'm all better. That's great. Those triumph stories are great, but I think that is an easier sell than holy shit guys. Like I struggled a bit and I'm still almost a little struggling, right?
I'm still in the middle of it. I'm still in the shit. If it's not valuable to hear me still in the shit than maybe skip ahead a couple weeks, but I really do wanna still. Share vulnerably with you guys and share openly with you guys. And I'm not waiting till this scabs over or scars over. I'm talking about it now.
So talking a little bit more about some of these shadow sides and some of these, the darker things that do happen. I don't want to be contrived vulnerability, I don't wanna share things when it's convenient for me. I wanna share things when it is helpful for you. I think there's a big difference between that.
So what I wanna talk a little bit about today is when your side hustle does start to take over your life a little bit. Because it's happened to me. It just happened to me. Not my side hustle, but it's my business and I've seen it. I've seen other students mention it before. What it reminds me of, right, is the honeymoon stage of a relationship, right?
Like you're just falling in love and you can't get enough of this other person. You're spending all your time with them every day after work or every day, whatever, like. You. You just want to be with that person. It's the oxytocin, it's these love chemicals. It's these hormones. There's a biological reason for it sometimes, however, When you're in this honeymoon stage of, of a relationship, you might make poor decisions.
Like you call out of work and you decide not to go to work that day and like fake sick or whatever. Cuz you wanna play hooky and spend time with this person. Sometimes that might be a a, an okay, good decision. I don't wanna label them. Like sometimes that might be a healthier decision and sometimes it might not be.
Right. If we keep going with this relationship analogy, we know that. Infatuation is totally normal and it's also really fun to be in that infatuation honeymoon stage. But the idea of making poor decisions because of the infatuation is where it starts to cross a little bit of a line, right? We can all get on board with that, but there is an absolutely a sense of infatuation that you have with your side hustle as well.
Anytime. It's like a brand new thing. It's so fun, it's so exciting. It's maybe even a little scary at the same time. It hits on all the same brain chemistry that the honeymoon stage of a romantic relationship does. We're falling in or even lusting after our side hustle a little bit. It gives us something that our current.
Life doesn't give us a zest, an excitement. I definitely think this tendency to pour just a little bit too much of ourselves into a new project, it can contribute to a couple of unhealthy patterns. The first one that I see sometimes is overwhelm. I'm so drawn to this side hustle that it's all I want to prioritize and I'm having trouble balancing my other obligations.
It's so exciting. It's so new. All I wanna do is this side hustle. The second I think is then some perfectionism and this comes up. In lots of different cases, but I do see it when in this infatuation stage, right, because we want this new thing so much. It's so important to us that we then can obsess about it a little bit and some of the unhealthy aspects of perfectionism definitely pop up.
It's, oh, I want this so much. It needs to be perfect. I want this so much I have to do it. Overwhelm comes up here and perfectionism comes here because I think infatuation can turn dark. And turned dark quick if we let it, and if we start to drift into this unhealthier territory, this obsessive territory, there's a couple things that happens.
It starts to feel like, oh, this is impossible, right? I'm, I want this so bad. This is like my whole life. It's impossible to make it happen. It's too much. It's taking over my life. Then we get some remorse and some regret. I made the wrong decision. I'm not one of the lucky ones who gets to have this laptop lifestyle This.
Pacific, whatever your, your vision is of this, right? When this infatuation takes over and we start making those bad decisions, then the self doubt creeps in. Then believing we're not good enough or worthy enough starts to creep in. But I think a key here, And it goes back to that discipline I was talking about last week.
But a key here is setting some boundaries. Setting some boundaries, around when, where, and how you focus on your side hustle. It allows you to still be excited. It allows you to still be in interested and inspired by and pursuing something new and exciting. But you don't have to become. You don't have to sacrifice the other things in your life or make poor judgment calls because of it, so, When you have these boundaries, it helps you feel more proud for moving towards your goals.
It helps you give, have a sense of moderation and a sense of balance. I know balance is a word that gets such a bad rap, but I believe in balance. I believe in moderation. Not saying like the, I think balance gets caught up in the, we can do it all and I don't think we can do it all. I think we can do what we prioritize.
And if we're prioritizing what we value, then hell yeah that does feel like we're doing it all. It feels like a, a pretty dang cool life. If the things that are most important to us are taking center stage are shining, right? Having boundaries and, and achieving this quote unquote balance, however you feel about the word, right?
You get to know how capable you are. Yes. You have to say no to some things. Yes, you have to let things go. There is an opportunity cost of every decision. Saying yes to X inherently means saying no to Y. But if all the X's that you're saying yes to are things that matter, then the Y's don't matter, right?
You can't do it all, but you can do what you prioritize. Okay, so. Rather than letting the the side hustle become an obsession because it's something that takes over your life, how can it become a piece of your prioritization puzzle.
Hey risers. We are all here listening today because we're craving that lighter lifestyle that's possible when we repurpose and repackage our clinical skills into an online income stream. But none of us is alone when we realize we have 25 plus ideas floating around in our head and zero clue how to take the first step.
The truth is there are a lot of different types of programs we can offer online. And each one will help us scale beyond one-on-one clients so we can start claiming a bit more time and financial freedom. And every online income stream has subtle nuances that makes it different than other revenue sources.
Each income stream requires something a little bit different from you and it's wise to take a look at things like your work style, your values, and your business goals before you decide which type of program you want to offer. So whether you're thinking about adding, coaching, a digital course, or even a retreat, gaining some insight into which type of program is best for you will make it so much easier to get started.
And that's why I made a really fun quiz. In 10 pinpoint questions, you'll take a look at things like the work that lights you up outside of the therapy room and how comfortable you are with marketing and visibility. And at the end you'll see which type of online income stream is right for you, so you can move forward with the clarity and confidence to make it happen.
Just head on over to marissa lawton.com/quiz to take the first step in building the business and the lifestyle that you crave.
All right, so if you're wondering, Ooh, does this apply to me, or how do I know if I am not setting the boundaries? How do I know if this is taking over my life? I'm gonna share a few signs that I've seen in myself, and I've also seen in a few of my students where it's pretty clear that the side hustle is taking up too big of a space.
Taking up too much of your life. The first thing is that it's persistently nagging at you or it's on your mind. If you're in your practice and you're finding that you're not present with your clients because you're thinking about your side hustle, Okay, so we know we're not doing our work, our main work to the best of our ability because something else is nagging at our mind.
So around that, it may be setting an hour for side hustle time before your first client or something like that. And that way you can say, all right, I'm closing the door on this. I've done it. I've made some progress. Now it's client time. Or if before doesn't work for you. When you're in with your clients and it starts to be pecking at your mind, you can say, I have time for you at four o'clock.
Your side hustle hour is at four o'clock, so I will get to you side hustle. I will get there, but right now I'm gonna be present with my client. If it's persistently nagging at your mind, knowing when you will be dedicating time to it can help you quiet that nagging and be present when you need to be present.
Okay. The another sign that's related is you're excited about the idea of a client canceling or no showing so that you can work on your side hustle, right? No shows and cancellations, they happen. And so if we can use that time productively on something else, that's a good thing. I'm not saying it's not a good thing, but if you're like, oh, I secretly hope Mary doesn't come in today because I really wanna do my side hustle.
That's a little bit of a sign that, Hey, what's paying my bills? My bread and butter? I'm not interested in right now. I'm willing to sacrifice that for the side hustle. So if that's the case, first of all, take a look at that client. Is that somebody that you want on your caseload? Perhaps this is somebody who's ready for termination, or perhaps this is somebody who needs a referral, but.
Also, I think knowing when your side hustle has a place in your life can help you be able to block the time off and to set containers around your mind and set containers around your time. Also, knowing what you need to do for your side hustle can help you fill that no-show. You can say, all right, I know that this task takes an hour.
I'm gonna. Slip it in right here and then you won't have to have it bleed into any other clients that come that day. Cuz sometimes it can hard to roll to, it can be hard to roll switch sometimes. Like client side hustle, client side hustle. That can be difficult, especially if. You slip a task into that time slot and it's an hour time slot and you're trying to cram a two hour task into it, then you're gonna feel like you didn't finish and it will be nagging on your mind during the next client.
So not only knowing when your side hustle time is, but knowing how long your side hustle tasks take so that when they, if you do slip them into time slots, they're not bleeding over, if that makes sense. I think another thing that happens is pushing too hard, right? Every time. We get a dopamine hint from our side hustle.
This is what I was talking about, where it's like a high, right? So you're trying to get your first 500 followers on Instagram. You're try and then you hit it and you're like 501 and it's, oh my God. But then you're like, all right, the dopamine hit goes away. Your brain chemistry is LA missing the high.
And so you're like, all right, now a thousand followers. And so you push, push, push until you get that next dopamine hit. So whether it's a follower, benchmark, a, a vanity metric of some kind of number, whether it's like you send out an email to your list and someone responds with praise, so, That can still give you that, like dopamine hit that external validation like someone likes me and so you chase that feeling.
Also, boy do I get turned on when I get, when I make money, when I make a sale. That is like the biggest dopamine hit ever when it's like, oh, you just got such and such money. Someone just bought space holder or whatever. I'm like, heck yeah, that's a high that I chase. For sure. But if you're chasing the high, if you're pushing, pushing, pushing, that's gonna make you real sick real quick, right?
That's gonna burn you out real fast. So being conscious of this, being aware of what button is this triggering for me, like it's a happy button for now until you have to go try and hit the button again. So how is this rewarding you? Is it a healthy reward? Can you get the same kind of reward? From other places.
If this is really a side hustle specific reward, how can you pace it? How can you not necessarily chase it? I think again, that goes back to boundaries and discipline. These are themes that are coming up for me over the last few weeks. Boundaries and discipline. It's like when we look at literal addiction, another sign that this is like becoming an issue is you're taking time away from things that matter to you.
So not only are you chasing the next high, but are you then skipping out on. Your kid's piano recital, or are you making the choice to whatever, or are you just not being present because you're sitting on the phone trying to get your next Instagram follower and your kid's like next to you asking questions?
This is, this has been me. Right? This is something I'm very actively trying to break, a pattern of it break a habit of is being present when it's time to be present, and I think it's being present. In everything, right? I think if you are dedicating certain time or blocking off time or setting a boundary around your side hustle and you're fully present during that time, I think that's gonna be a reward that's gonna feel good, so that when it's time to be present in another space, in another arena, you don't then have.
The, the side hustle creeping in. If you find yourself sneaking away or taking time away from things that matter that are legitimately important to you, relationships with others, self care, family time, whatever that might be. This really should be the other way around. Those are the things that should come first.
Your side hustle should fill in the gaps. It should fill in the space between these things that are most important to you. Obviously, the shadow side doesn't have to smother the light. Like I said earlier, I, I don't. Think that these negative aspects of entrepreneurship overshadowed the positive aspects of entrepreneurship?
Hands down, if my kids wanted to start their own businesses, I'd be like, yes, let's do it. But having, having multiple streams of income and having. Control over your livelihood. This is just flat out smart. In a post covid economy, it's flat out smart, bordering on necessary. It is really a way to cultivate a lifestyle that's meaningful for you and meaningful to you.
Live the way that you wanna live. So I'm never gonna not support entrepreneurship, but I want to be honest and shine light on things that a lot of people don't talk about. Right. So there's definitely a way to work towards your side hustle, towards online income, towards time freedom, financial freedom, location freedom, all these things that we're craving.
But not stepping over the line into obsession, making sure you are prioritizing the non-negotiable values first. Building your side hustle in the time and the space that's left over. So if you know that you have a calling to help on a bigger scale and you want to have boundaries and a sense of balance around it, head over and grab the side hustle schedule system.
When you enroll inside Hustle Schedule, you're gonna work through this five step system that's gonna teach you to prioritize the things to ma that matter to you and calculate the exact amount of time you have to dedicate to something new. You'll also start to record the time it takes to do certain tasks.
This way you can set boundaries around that time, move forward toward your side hustle while protecting these things that are important while protecting. The things that matter to you. All right. I think we have one more of these more vulnerable burnout esque protection. Protect Yourself while building a Side Hustle type episodes. Uh, and then we'll start getting into the tasky things, the techniques, and the how-tos that we normally talk about around here.
And until then, guys, keep on rising.
